How to Ask and Get the Feedback You Need Without Any Stress and Awkwardness?

“I want to give you some feedback.”

If you are like most people, once you hear the above statement, your heart will start to beat a little faster, your palms might begin to sweat, and in certain situations, you might even begin to shake. Feedback can make anyone anxious and stressed – not because there is something inherently negative or bad about it, but because most people have never been trained in giving and receiving feedback. If you give and get feedback only once a quarter at work (even worse if it is once a year), and without any preparation, obviously it will be a strange conversation.

What I have learned over my career is that feedback can be an immensely valuable and insightful tool in our growth and progression, but only if we are ready and prepared to digest and use it for our benefit. Today I want to share via this article my thoughts on the value of feedback, what is the best way to receive it, and then what to do with it. I hope that after reading this article, instead of just waiting for feedback you actually start asking for it. If you are thinking why would anyone do that, let’s dive right in.

Why Do You Need Feedback?

Feedback is one of the easiest and most insightful tools to uncover your blind spots. A blind spot is anything that others know about you but you yourself don’t. For example – if you think you are confident but others find you arrogant and cocky, how the hell do you figure that out if nobody ever tells you that?

Feedback is like a beam of light which shows you how others perceive you. It can be the simplest way to uncover your strengths and weaknesses, but it is often not easy to digest and process it. Feedback lets you know how others perceive you and your talent, skills, behaviour and performance. And knowing them is a good thing. When used correctly, feedback can be a very useful tool to move in the right direction, change course if necessary, and grow in your career (and in life).

“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.”
– Winston Churchill

How Do You Ask For Feedback?

Just like hearing feedback can be stressful for you, providing feedback can also be a stressful experience for the person on the other side. But there are a few ways you can make the feedback conversation a pleasant experience :-

  1. The best way to make the process easier for both sides is to actively and explicitly ask for it. When you invite feedback regularly, it removes the formality surrounding the process and makes the conversation more “normal”.
  2. Explain that you see feedback as a tool to learn and grow, and that you welcome any negative or uncomfortable feedback. You can also go one step ahead and assure the person that the feedback will not have any negative impact on the relationship. Knowing this always puts the other person at ease and allows the conversation to continue more maturely.
  3. Know what you are looking for in feedback. Feedback is not always critical. You should also ask for acknowledgement or appreciation for a task well done. Positive feedback will help you understand your strengths, and gives you the confidence and assurance required to look objectively at your weaknesses.
  4. Be specific and ask for examples. Don’t let anyone get away with a vague feedback. Always dig deeper and ask for specific events and evidence in support of the feedback you receive. Here are a few questions you can ask :-
    a) Can you explain what you mean?
    b) Can you give an example to support your point?
    c) Paraphrase the feedback and ask – Is that what you mean?
  5. Seek feedback from people all around you and not just your boss. Ask people above, below and sideways in your organisation. Multiple sources of feedback can eliminate any outliers and helps to surface any obvious blind spots immediately.
Feedback Is The Breakfast of Champions

Feedback Is The Breakfast of Champions

Powerful Questions

Whenever you are looking for some powerful and insightful answers, there are always corresponding powerful questions to go with them. Below are a few such questions you can ask to solicit deep and meaningful feedback about yourself :-

  1. If I were to wow you with my performance, what would that look like?
  2. What’s one thing I could improve?
  3. What would you have done differently had you been in my position?
  4. What’s your opinion about how I handled that conversation, presentation, task, etc?
  5. What specifically can I do to handle that task, conversation, project better?
  6. What is one thing you can always count on me for?
  7. What is one thing you will never count on me for?

What To Do After Receiving The Feedback

The worst thing that you can do with feedback is to do nothing with it. The feedback conversation is just the beginning on the road to learning and growth. So once you are done with the feedback, you can take the following steps to make the most of it.

  1. Thank the person for providing you feedback. Not only is feedback essential for your growth, it is also often a courageous step to provide it in the first place. Acknowledge the person for the conscious act of providing you feedback.
  2. Do not defend yourself during a feedback conversation. Do not get into a game of blame and justifications. Respond to the feedback, not react to it.
  3. If the feedback is critical, take responsibility (not blame) for what you hear. Let the other person know that you will evaluate the feedback and get back.
  4. Take time to introspect and evaluate the feedback. Does it resonate with feedback from others? Can you gather more data or feedback to validate it? If no, explain to others how you see it. If yes, let them know what you will change. Make certain promises and then do what you say.
  5. Take all the positive feedback and put it into a complements” document. Often we tend to focus too much on the negatives and ignore what we are doing well. Visiting this document regularly will give you motivation and positive reinforcement. Sometimes reading one little positive feedback can make your day.

Following the above guidelines doesn’t mean that your feedback conversations will be painless, but they will certainly go more smoothly. Once you see feedback for the powerful tool it is in your learning and growth, you will fall in love with it. The more you seek and get feedback, the faster you can move learn, adapt and change course if necessary. To conclude I would like to leave you with the below quote by Ken Blanchard.

“Feedback is the breakfast of champions.”
– Ken Blanchard

Narendra Modi – The Enigma

Some people, by the mention of their names, spark arguments and controversy like someone has just thrown oil to a burning fire. Narendra Modi is one of those names. The controversial but highly celebrated Chief Minister of Gujarat has been in the news ever since he came to power, either for the communal riots of 2002 or for the various development projects he has undertaken which has turned Gujarat into the state driving the Indian growth story. There are two kinds of people in this world, one for whom world opinion and the ‘right‘ way of doing things matter, and the other who do what they feel is right, irrespective of debates or consequences. No points for guessing which kind of person Mr Modi is.

Under Modi, Gujarat has become an economic dynamo. From becoming the Chief Minister in 2001, when Gujarat was suffering from the aftermath of a massive earthquake and its economy was shrinking, Modi has transformed Gujarat into a state with the highest growth rate among all Indian states. Some of the plans or schemes he launched are Krishi Mahotsav, Chiranjeevi Yojana, Matru Vandana, Beti Bachao, Jyotigram Yojana, Kanya Kelavani Yojana, among others. Read about them to know what all these are and what results have they produced.

The Vibrant Gujarat Summit

The Vibrant Gujarat Summit

If these scheme names doesn’t mean much to you, let me provide some figures. Gujarat has 50,000 km of fibre optic network, 2200 km of gas pipelines, 1400 km of drinking water pipelines to 7,000 villages, and 24 hour uninterrupted power in rural areas. On the human development side, Gujarat is turning Kutch, a desert, into a green land. The school dropout rate from Std 1 to 5 has dropped from 20% to 2% in the last 10 years. Sex ratio has increased from 883 girls per 1000 boys in 2001 to 920 girls in 2011 due to the Beti Bachao campaign.

Almost all industrial houses have their plants (or are planning to open) in Gujarat which contributes 22% of India’s exports and attracts 25% of all investment coming in India. Many industrialists have publicly expressed their support for Narendra Modi, with Ratan Tata even saying that “You are stupid if you are not doing business in Gujarat”. Recently, the US also endorsed Gujarat as the driver of Indian economic growth and the best example of governance and development. Many are vouching for a strong leader like him for the Prime Minister’s post in 2014.

It is not to say that Gujarat doesn’t have any problems. Like the rest of India, people in Gujarat are also poor, hungry and deprived of basic human amenities like sanitation, health care and availability to easy credit. The disease of corruption is also present in Gujarat like other Indian states. But in all these areas, the graph is only going downwards. In the last 10 years, there can be no doubt in anybody’s mind that Gujarat has changed only for the better. And I hope it continues to do so.

However, no discussion about Modi can be complete without a mention of the 2002 riots in which over fifteen hundred people were killed, most of them Muslims.  The riots, which started after the burning of Sabarmati Express, continued for over four months with muslims and their owned businesses facing the bulk of the damage. These riots have always been politically controversial, with many terming it as genocide and believing that Gujarat government and Narendra Modi gave a free hand for these riots. Well, considering the scale of the riots, it is very difficult to imagine them without state support. There could be riots for a few days which the state might be unable to control, but over a period of months, whom are you kidding? It just would not be possible without the support of the police and the government.

Gujarat is emerging as a global automobile manufacturing hub with companies like Ford, PSA Peugeot and Tata Motors opening up their facilities here.

Gujarat is emerging as a global automobile manufacturing hub with companies like Ford, PSA Peugeot and Tata Motors opening up their facilities here. (photo courtesy Associated Press)

Having said that, proving the role of the State in such events is very difficult. There are cases pending before courts, but there has been no proof against Modi or the Gujarat government. Again, as I said, even if he was involved, it would be almost impossible to prove it considering the state of the public offices in this country. I am not trying to absolve Narendra Modi of the responsibility for the riots but trying to stay neutral by pointing out that nothing has been proved. What if he is really innocent and the state has no role? Even I don’t think that is the case, but what if?

Coming to the issue of riots, Modi is not the first politician to be accused of communalism.  The 1984 anti-Sikh riots in Delhi have been the worst riots we have seen in recent times, with over 3500 Sikhs killed, thrice the number of those killed in Gujarat. And that was under Congress rule, and under circumstances (the Indira Gandhi assasination) which would leave no doubt about the role of state in those riots. But again, as I said, nothing has been proved and it would be very unlikely if any Congress politician is ever convicted.

Coming to the question of opposing Narendra Modi based on the 2002 riots, we should ask ourselves that have we stopped voting for Congress after the 1984 Sikh riots (which were much worse). Obviously not! But why? Is it just the case that 1984 is long forgotten while the wounds of 2002 are still fresh in our minds. I think both the acts can never be pardoned, and the nation is paying a heavy price for both of them. As much as these riots are indisputable facts, another fact is that there is no better performer than Narendra Modi in our political structure. Time is not stuck in 1984, and neither it is in 2002. Time has moved on, and so has Narendra Modi. And so must we. I am not calling him clean, noble, honest or anything but just seeing in him a bold leader who might be the best among all the villains.

And all this is not because of his political lineage, or his religion, or how charismatic he is, but because of the results he has produced. It is said that all tomatoes that are eaten in Afghanistan are produced in Gujarat and all potatoes in Canada come from Gujarat farms. In one of the most arid lands in the country, this one man had the courage to interlink the rivers and the result is that the Sabarmati never goes dry now. To sum it up, he might not be the ideal choice, but I think he is our best bet.

Seeking Comfort in Discomfort

A popular quote goes like this, “The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”

Change and growth are very natural in life. And with every change, every growth there will be times when we will feel uncomfortable as an individual. Infact, growth is always uncomfortable. Lately I have realized that to evolve and grow, be it physical, emotional or spiritual growth, there will always be a certain level of discomfort. Or alternately, if you feel too comfortable in life, probably you are not growing.

Different situations might trigger discomfort for different people. For some, speaking at a public gathering might be uncomfortable and for some, trying a new sport might be uneasy. But all of these situations are those when we are forced to go outside of our comfort zone. The challenge when feeling uncomfortable is to embrace the situation and triumphing over our fear. Only then we will come out of a stagnant, dull life and move beyond fear. And “Darr ke Aage Jeet Hai.. ” (After fear, its victory)

Apart from situations, there could be people, interacting with whom makes us uneasy. This could also be a way of growing as our greatest teachers are those who will make us uneasy while pushing us to try new things and achieve greater heights. These individuals are like a calling for a better us, to develop an area within us which is not fully developed. So the next time you feel uncomfortable in the company of someone, ask yourself the question, are you willing to take it as a challenge to step up to the task? Are you willing to grow up to the level that this person and situation demands?

Most often, we are triggered by certain situations and individuals, and before we even realize, we might have acted in a certain way or said something unconsciously. It takes a lot of practice and patience to not to judge someone immediately on a trigger and say ‘I just don’t get her‘ or ‘He is wrong‘. We need to be patient as we find out how to grow to the next level so that our automatic alarm is not set off based on a person or a situation. As you move your focus from ‘whats wrong with others‘ to ‘what is needed of myself‘, you give yourself control and power rather than handing it out to people and situations. And believe me, it is easier to find blame in others but very challenging to look inside for introspection and areas of growth.

These last few months have been pretty uncomfortable for me, and thats good because there are many things or situations which used to make me uncomfortable six months ago but now I feel at home being in those situations, which means I have grown. I am by far the most uncomfortable these days than I have been in my entire life, but still there is a peace of mind like never before. It is because I know everything will be ok in time, and this period will leave me a better human being.

The important thing to remember is that, “Are we brave enough to continuously find uncomfortable challenges / situations in life to keep growing?

The Truth about India’s Young Population, and how it can be a boon or a bane?

Today, over 35% of our population is below the age of 20. By 2020, it is expected that 325 million people in India will reach working age, which will be the largest in the world. This will come at a time when the rest of the developed world will be faced with an ageing population. It is estimated that by 2020, US will be short of 17 million people of working age, China by 10 million, Japan by 9 million and Russia by 6 million. At the same time, India will have a surplus of 47 million working people. Even when compared to developing countries, Brazil’s working population is set to grow by 12%, China’s by 1%, Russia’s will decline by 18%, while ours will grow by 30%. This is the reason Goldman Sachs predicted that only India can maintain a 5% growth rate until 2050.

But are our youth unemployable?
Economic growth require not just a large working population, but people who are trained and skilled to work in different industries. Many industries have remarked that people coming out of colleges and universities in India are not employable and they have to give them skills training before they start their work. This adds strain on the industry. Our adult illiteracy levels are also a big concern, which stands at 39%. 25 million children are out of school in India, out of a total of 100 million out of school children in the world. We need to work on our policies to make sure those who are still in school and colleges get the best education and be ready for their opportunity when it arrives.

Youngistan - Will it mean a boon or a bane for us?

Youngistan - Will it mean a boon or a bane for us?

Demands of this population
With a huge working population will also come a huge consumption boom, as it has happened in China. China accounts for 20% of world’s consumption of aluminum, 35% of the global demand of steel and coal, and 45% of the worldwide cement purchase. The future demands of China and India’s population will put a lot of burden to the resources of these two countries. How these two countries manage resources like water, cultivable land, oil and energy needs will be critical. The demands on the environment cannot be overlooked either. If we follow the same model as followed by American and European development, environmental deterioration will end up destroying the whole planet. Global Warming is already a big problem. The challenge for India will not only be economic growth, but also make it sustainable and bearable for the environment.

Taking care of our population
Our infrastructure today is no way capable of taking proper care of our ever increasing population. Human development must go hand in hand with population growth. More than 25% of our urban population lives without sanitation and 24% lives without access to tap water. We need 66,000 primary schools and 3000 new health centres every year to cater to our population growth. Food production also has to be increased by 3% every year to meet their needs.

We can’t ignore the ill-effects of population growth
India cannot afford to ignore what will happen with unsustainable economic and population growth. We need to use our technological skills and replace our age-old systems with innovations to reduce the resource burden. We need innovative and sustainable solutions in energy, transportation, sanitation, manufacturing, and agriculture. We are a nation of great talent, and we stand before times which might be our big opportunity to take the leap in the world order but we also face significant challenges. If we take all this into consideration NOW, and frame policies and act responsibly, I am sure we are capable of transforming this huge young population into a boon rather than a bane.

Why India’s rural development is important for the nation?

India lives in its villages, and while the cities have grown immensely over the last 20 years, rural areas have not seen that kind of development. For India’s economy to be strong, the rural economy needs to grow. Rural areas are still plagued by problems of malnourishment, illiteracy, unemployment and lack of basic infrastructure like schools, colleges, hospitals, sanitation, etc. This has led to youth moving out of villages to work in cities. This could be compared to the brain drain from India to US. Our villages need to grow in tandem with cities and standard of life has to improve there for inclusive growth to happen. If rural India is poor, India is poor.

Poverty in Rural India

Poverty in Rural India

India lives in many generations, and visiting rural areas very easily shows that they lag behind cities by decades. While we have latest services and products available in our cities now, villagers are still coping with age old products. It is easy to see the rising disconnect between cities and villages. Some examples are –

  1. While we have international fully air conditioned schools in our cities, the schools in villages still don’t have benches and chairs, leave alone computers. We have a huge shortage of teachers in rural areas, and the school drop out rate is huge.
  2. In cities, we have wide roads, flyovers and underpasses while many villages still don’t have proper roads. Urban-rural road links can play a vital role in rural growth.
  3. Employment opportunities are hardly there in villages which forces youth to move to cities creating imbalance in the ecosystem and leaving the villages deprived.
  4. While we may have numerous hospitals, nursing homes and medical facilities in cities, villages neither have health awareness nor health facilities. See the condition of major hospitals like AIIMS to know how many villagers have to flock to cities for even basic treatments.
Women fetching water from kilometers away

Women fetching water from kilometers away

Apart from the above options, villages need to have –

  1. Proper land reforms to make sure land is held, owned, cultivated, irrigated to make the most efficient use and maximum output.
  2. Rural credit – Banking services need to be popularized and credit should be available for basic services like agriculture.
  3. Electrification – Many villages still receive only 2 to 6 hours of electricity per day which needs to drastically improve to empower the villages of India.
Mobiles have empowered rural India

Mobiles have empowered rural India

Basically, what we need is to empower the rural people by providing them education and proper health care. They need to have infrastructure like electricity and water so that they are free from the cycle of droughts and floods. We need to give them self-employment so that they want to stay in villages instead of migrating in cities. There is a need to empower the villagers, and not just supporting them by food subsidies, loan waivers which end up crippling them. India will grow only when rural India marches hand in hand with cities in the twenty first century.