Explaining the Lull in Writing

I had been writing pretty regularly from 2010 onwards till 2013. I have hardly written anything this year, and whatever little I have written, I have not posted it on this blog – sumit4all.com . Many of my friends have asked me to start writing again, and have questioned me time and again why I have stopped writing. To be honest, I have been asking the same question too. I decided to write this article to better formulate my thoughts on this topic, but now I have decided to post this online for all to read and know.

So the question first – Why haven’t I been writing anything lately?

Well, there are two big reasons for that, and I will try to elaborate on them below, as clearly as possible.

1. I didn’t have much to say

I have always tried to be very honest in my writings, and always written what I wanted to say. I have written because there was something I needed to communicate, and not because I ‘should’ write an article on my blog regularly. But there are a few events in life which alter the way you view life so drastically that even you can’t believe it. On the outside, everyone thinks you are the same person, and expect you to behave like you have always done. But inside, you are in such a conflict that you are just hoping to figure it all out. You don’t see the world the same way, don’t think the same way, don’t believe what you used to before. I was in such a state after my mother passed away. I could not resonate with whatever I had written previously, as my thinking, beliefs and actions had changed suddenly.

I did not write anything because I had nothing to say. I read my own articles and poems and they felt so alien now. I was not interested in the ideas and projects I was so excited about before. I shut off CricketRadius.com – the start up I was working on, moved back to Delhi and got back to a job. I wrote a few articles here and there, but the frequency was nothing like before.

2. Coding and Photography

Once I moved back to Delhi in Nov 2012, I stopped my involvement in every social project or tech startup I was involved with. I had a new job in a new city, so I just dived back in all the tech stuff and computer programming/coding, which I still enjoyed. A few months later, at an office off-site, I brought along my DSLR, which I had bought in Bangalore 3-4 years earlier, but never used it a lot due to work or some other project I was so occupied with while in Bangalore. It would not be wrong to say that I haven’t put the camera down after that. I have always loved photography right from my childhood, but over the last two years, I have connected with my camera like never before. It became a medium for me to hide behind and communicate to the world in a totally different way.

A sunset in the Thar Desert of Rajasthan

A sunset in the Thar Desert of Rajasthan

Over the last two years, I have traveled and taken my camera to places all over the country. For Leh in the north to Rajasthan and Pune in the west, to Sikkim in the east and to numerous other places near Delhi. Apart from these travels, I have taken my camera out on the streets of Delhi and captured some candid street shots. After a lot of gear hopping which resulted in two new cameras and another set of expensive lenses to go along, I am getting the feeling that I am just getting started in a new way of communicating – via my photographs.

Looking ahead, I am not sure whether this is just a phase or this is something that will last for long. Well, time will tell. As of now, I am looking to start a photography specific blog where I will write less and try to say more through my photographs. I will also keep on writing on this blog whenever I have something to say, whatever the frequency of that be, in the future.

“When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.”
— Ansel Adams

A candid street scene in Paharganj, New Delhi

A candid street scene in Paharganj, Delhi

यह आँखें तुझे ही ढूंढे माँ

सुबह सुबह जब आँख खुले
पल पल जब तक रात ढले
यह दिल तुझे ही महसूस करे माँ
और यह आँखें तुझे ही ढूंढें माँ

 

तेरी दांट मुझे अक्सर याद आये
प्रेम से पड़ी मार आज मुझे रुलाए
यह कान तेरी ही वाणी ढूंढे माँ
और यह आँखें तुझे ही ढूंढे माँ

तेरे हाथो का स्पर्श नहीं भूला मै
तेरी गोद की नींद नहीं भूला मै
यह मस्तक तेरा ही आँचल ढूंढे माँ
और यह आँखें तुझे ही ढूंढे माँ

 

तेरी ममता की चादर बहुत बड़ी है
तेरे प्यार की बोछार एक निरंतर झड़ी है
मेरा हर शब्द तुझे ही हर पल पुकारे माँ
और यह आँखें तुझे ही ढूंढे माँ

माँ की हस्ती – Maa Ki Hasti (Who is a mother?)

सागर से भी विशाल हो प्यार जिसका
जो हर ठोकर के बाद दिखाए सही रास्ता
जो इन्सान होकर भी हो एक फ़रिश्ता
उस हस्ती को कहते है माँ !!

जो तुम्हारी फ़िक्र को तुमसे पहले जाने
जो तुम्हे तुम्से भी बहतर पहचाने
तुम्हारी हर इच्छा पे जो कह दे हा
उस हस्ती को कहते है माँ !!

A mother is person who can take the place of all others, but whose place no one else can take. - Cardinal Mermillod

A mother is person who can take the place of all others, but whose place no one else can take. – Cardinal Mermillod

जिसकी गोद हो तुम्हारा तकिया
जो तुम्हे सुलाए गाते हुए लोरिया
हमेशा रहेगी साथ जिसकी दुआ
उस हस्ती को कहते है माँ !!

जो ऊँगली पकड़ चलना सिखाए
हर मुस्किल में होसला बढ़ाये
अपने खून से जो लिखे हमारा भविश्य
उस हस्ती को कहते है माँ !!

जो तुम्हे मारे भी प्यार से
तुमसे रूठे तो भी प्यार से
तुम्हारे आँसू देख जो रो पड़े
उस हस्ती को कहते है माँ !!

जो आँख खोले तो तुम्हे ही ढूंढे ,
आँख बंद हो तो तुम्हारे ही सपने देखे
जो खुदा से भी मांगे तुम्हारी ही खुशिया
उस हस्ती को कहते है माँ !!

The End, or a New Beginning?

It has been three months today since my mother passed away, and since I have written anything. Maybe because words aren’t enough to capture what is going on in my mind lately. Maybe because I don’t want the world to see me vulnerable. Maybe because I am scared or confused, frustrated and angry.. Or perhaps, it is life’s way of teaching me something new. Three months have passed, and although I am more at peace, I have come to realize that life will NEVER be the same again…

It has not been easy – these last three months. I have often found myself lost and asking questions like –  Where I am going? What purpose will it serve? What do I want? And who and what really matters? It has been a painful process, but I guess there are also some lessons and learnings in it. I have done things in the last three months I have never done before, or never thought I would do. But does anything matter?

As some of my friends have reminded me, I should write again. And so I am writing this small post to tell the world I am still alive. Life is turbulent, and I guess this is just one of those patches, and I will come out of it as a better person. And though I have not written lately, I have thought about writing a lot, and I will pick it up again soon. So hang in there, I feel a lot better every passing day.

I will leave you with this poem which I read somewhere and this is what I think She is trying to say to all her loved ones from wherever she is –

” When tomorrow starts without me, & I’m not there to see
Your eyes full of tears, showing your love for me

I wish you wouldn’t cry so much, the way you did that day
Thinking of the many things we didn’t get to say

I know how much you love me, as much as I love you
And each time you think of me, I’m thinking of you too

So when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand
An angel came & called my name & took me by my hand

It was time for me to take my place, in heaven far above
Leaving everyone behind, especially the ones I love

As I turned & walked away, a tear fell from my eye
Remembering the life I lived & why I had to die

I do not want to go, with having so much to do
It seemed almost impossible, that I was leaving you

So when tomorrow starts without me, don’t think that we’re apart
For every time you think of me, I am right there in your heart. “

Why God made Mothers?


Let me tell you a story,
Which is played in every home!
About an angel who lives among us,
Whether it is Delhi, Paris or Rome!!

You may ask who is she,
Who fills our lives with sunshine!
Close your eyes and just say,
She is the wonderful mother of mine!!

For I can bet that,
When you did close your eyes!
What you felt was,
The joy of the strongest of all ties!!

We will always be a child to her,
Though she has seen us grow fivefold!!
If we follow the tears she shed for us,
It will lead to her heart of gold!!

We work all week long,
And always cherish our Sundays!
But the most ungrateful job is hers,
For she choses not to take any off days!!

The wonderful days of childhood,
We would do anything for a recap!
I will tell you one way you could,
Just sleep again in your mother’s lap!!

When God created the world he knew,
Every time he can’t come to the rescue!
He could foresee the future horrors,
And that’s why He made Mothers!!