The kindest thing we can do to ourself is to forgive the unforgivable. Our “enemy” may not deserve to be forgiven, but we deserve to be free. The earlier we realize that our anger doesn’t do any harm to the other person, and most likely they are not even giving a thought about us, the better it would be. We should rather strive to see the “unfortunate things” that happen to us as little tests to make us into a better, stronger and wiser person. And to turn it around, we should actually thank this person for giving us this “test” that strengthens us. And, as I have said in a previous article , forgiveness is not about acceptance of wrong behavior. It is our gift to ourself, not the other party.
I am a big fan of quotes and one-liners, and while writing and pondering over the issues of giving up anger and embracing forgiveness in the last few months, I have come across a list of quotes I have found filled with immense wisdom about the topic. Read my top 10 list below -
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~Mahatma Gandhi
Remember that… Read the rest
1. If you are angry, irritated or frustrated, seal your mouth. Don’t say anything, don’t send any email, text to anyone. No-one wants to hear about your misery. The best thing I can think of is go out and take a walk. Maybe exercise. Take that anger out and burn it in the form of sweat.
2. You are angry because of your emotions, not because of what someone else did. Your emotions are your responsibility. Own up to it. You made yourself angry, so don’t blame anybody else for it. And only you can stop being so.
3. If you happen to open your mouth, do not raise your voice. Do not make threats. Do not make expressions to show your anger. Do not play the ‘sympathy‘ card.
4. Don’t drink or smoke. It will only make things worse.
5. Learn to respect others opinions, even if you disagree. Even if you think they are wrong, even if you can prove they are wrong. Respect their opinions.
6. If you said or did something you shouldn’t have, apologize. If you said or did something which you know is right but the other person got hurt, still apologize. (Not for being right, but for… Read the rest
Like I said in my previous two articles on anger and forgiveness , you cannot enjoy life fully if you are carrying a grudge against someone. Forgiveness is about cleansing ourselves of the poison anger is. Forgiveness is moving on. Also, I pointed out what forgiveness is not . It is not absolving someone of a crime, and it not something good you do for the other person but for yourself. While it is all easy to say from a third person point of view, it can be immensely difficult to let go of the anger when actually faced with a situation ourselves.
Below I am listing five ways which have worked for me to give up my anger and hatred towards a specific person or situation -
1. Taking a time out
The most important factor here is time. Nobody expects a father to forgive the killer of his son immediately. His anger is rightfully justified. However, after a few months, he can. After an incident which has left us angry, the most important thing that has worked for me is to take a time out. Keep a distance from the person or situation you are angry at for a few days by… Read the rest
After my last article in which I pointed out how being angry will only hurt us and how forgiveness is a gift, I have heard from many people asking for clarifications on what I meant. For most people, it is very difficult to even comprehend how can one somebody forgive a person who has done some wrong to you? Do we absolve the person of his crime or wrongdoing? Do we start accepting bad behaviour? In this post, I will try to clear these doubts and list out five things forgiveness is not.. 1. Forgiving is not accepting bad behaviour or acts of crime This is the most common misconception about forgiveness. It is not about accepting bad acts or behaviour by saying that mistakes happen. Any act which is illegal or immoral remains so. Forgiveness doesn’t mean approving of any such act. But at the same time, forgiveness is recognizing that it happened in the past, and making sure we don’t waste even a single second of the future by repenting or pondering over it. 2. Forgiving is not pardoning somebody of a crime Even if you are willing to, forgiveness is not absolving the other person of… Read the rest
We all feel anger and hatred at different times, and at different people. Whenever something doesn’t go according to our expected response, or there is an unexpected event like an accident or death of a loved one, the normal human response is to feel anger and hatred towards a person or community. It might also show as resentment towards life in general.
Anger and hatred are emotions which occurs in different intensities on different situations. The anger at someone who just jumped a signal in front of you is different from the anger at someone who just pick pocketed you. Similarly, the anger of being cheated by a loved one or a business partner is different from the anger you might feel towards a man who kills your son or daughter.
According to me, there is nothing unnatural in getting angry and hating someone. It is very human to do so. Shouting, hurting or just blaming somebody else temporarily makes one feel calmer and less stressed. It justifies our own actions and makes us prove the other person wrong. But it is only as temporary as the relief provided by drugs or alcohol. If you must have observed, people… Read the rest