Observe and Learn instead of Watching and Studying

Have you ever felt that you are zipping past through life in such a hurry that you don’t even get the time to enjoy the journey? Have you ever rushed to your destination amid traffic and the person you went to meet asks you “Did you notice the amazing new park they build along the way?” And you have no idea about the road, the different buildings you passed by or the different people around you while you were on the way.

This is how most of us are in life. Too busy in reaching the destination that we miss the journey altogether. We would not remember even the smallest things about the journey, forget about enjoying the ride!! But why so? Obviously our eyes were open and on the road the whole way? So we watched everything that was along the way, but we can’t remember a thing. Maybe our mind was so occupied in other things that we missed the beauty of that moment. We were just watching and not observing.

Another way of being is to live fully in the moment and observing. So the next time you are driving through traffic, observe the trees on the road beside you, observe the cloud pattern above you and listen to the birds chirping and making a pattern overhead. Observe people around you, and you might see a young couple walking hand in hand, or a kid playing with his mom in the car next to you, or the conductor issuing tickets to passengers in the bus ahead of you.

Where are you living your life?

Where are you living your life?

We normally don’t do this because it seems like a futile exercise. What will we gain from it? There doesn’t seem to be anything ‘productive‘ about it. But sometimes sitting peacefully and observing is all we need to clear our mind of all the unnecessary thoughts of our daily life. It is more like getting out of our own body and watching people pass through their life as we do mostly. We will observe our rationalizations, our reasons, and a reflection of ourself in the people around us. We will realize how small issues and thoughts control us over the period of a day. How small problems turn into big frustrations and how we become driven by them instead of letting them go? Just by observing and doing nothing, we can see our problems in a totally different perspective.

The same goes for reading and studying. We are packed with so much information these days as there are news, articles and videos coming along our way every second. Many of us are studying very hard to clear that exam or to get that dream job. We might even be doing an extra evening or distance learning course with our work. The purpose of education is learning, but often it gets limited to reading and studying and we miss the most important part – learning. I believe that the biggest teacher is life, and that there is no need to go to college or attend lectures or read books if you really want to learn. In the world around us, there are many examples of such people. Every second of our life, every person we meet can teach us something. But only if we are open to learn from all such opportunities.

It can make a lot of difference in our days if we observe instead of watching, and learn instead of studying or reading. For example, we take the same steps of stairs every day to reach our doorstep, and we watch it daily. Maybe we have seen it hundreds of times. But how many of us can tell how many stairs are there till the door? If we really stay open to the inputs received by our senses (and not just our vision), we can let in a lot more than we do now. But we walk around with dark glasses on our eyes and headphones in our ears and miss everything this beautiful world has to offer. And then we go out seeking the same beauty or knowledge in books.

In the next few days and weeks, observe and be aware of your senses and I bet you will be surprised to see the difference it makes to the quality of your life.

Why we should stay alone more often?

In our daily lives, we strive to and take pride in being busy. We like to see ourselves multi-tasking and bask in the glory of productivity when someone acknowledges us. We live with other people (whether family or friends), work in teams and do almost everything in groups. Or we always have our mobile phone, some book or movie, or the ever ubiquitous internet with us for company. Staying alone is what we end up thinking as a waste of time.

But man is essentially an individual. He was born alone and will die alone. He does talk and interact with other people in a number of ways but in a very primitive and biological way, man is essentially individual. Sitting alone for some time should not be unsettling or unnerving, like it sometime gets in our lives. In fact, giving some time only for ourselves could be one of the most enriching experiences ever if one tries to do so. And it can solve a lot of our problems. Problems which arise only because of our inability to stay alone with our thoughts.

If one can be content while sitting alone and don’t feel (or act on) the urge of checking what your friends are doing on social media or the urge to go out and shop and eat your favourite burger or pizza, a lot of our problems can just melt away. It can break the chains and bonds of normal life and we will longer need to be constantly busy just to match up with our peers and unnecessary comparison with others. Being busy, ironically, is the place where all our problems and stress arise out of.

I restore myself when I'm alone - Marilyn Monroe

I restore myself when I'm alone - Marilyn Monroe

If you think man is a social animal and cannot survive individually, think again. Man is not fish, and from time to time, he can (and should) get away from water (daily life). We will not die like fish if we spend some time out of water (alone). In fact, we can cherish our individuality and come back to our daily lives refreshed and replenished. A day spent alone from time to time will reduce the chatter of everyday life. You learn to listen to your thoughts, be aware of the different urges to be busy you will have, and then just let them be. And let me tell you, it is not easy to be alone. It can be very unsettling at first, and you can find many reasons to ‘do‘ something. But don’t let your ‘wanting-to-be-productive’ side deny you of your right to spend some time alone.

After some time, you learn to enjoy the quietness of things. You learn to notice the sounds of the birds chirping and the wind blowing. As the clutter of daily life melts away, you are left just with your inner thoughts. At this time, you will find yourself talking to yourself. It takes time getting used to, and you can always ignore your inner voice, but you must listen to it. Some quietness can leave with you with contentment, a new perspective, and a calmer attitude. In short, it can be amazing.

Solitude also makes us realize that our life is a blank slate with nothing in it, and it is our choice what we really want to paint it with. Our life is not about the tasks and the meetings we have all through the day which look unavoidable, but is about finding ourselves. Staying alone teaches us to be content with nothing and realizing that we can paint our life canvas the way we want. What would you call a person who is so busy reaching the destination that he never stops his car for refuelling?

Now what would you call the person who is so busy living life that she misses replenishing her own soul? We all need this refueling exercise of staying alone, and then we can take our life’s car wherever we want. So try sitting alone for some time, and just be quiet. Or perhaps take a long walk alone (like I do). Maybe start with small periods of time, and then increase the duration as you feel more comfortable with it. Just watch your thoughts in solitude but don’t act on them. Just listen, watch and be content. And you will soon realize you never needed anything more!

Why I keep putting my fingers in the electric socket?

As a kid, I used to have a knack of putting my fingers in the electric sockets at home. Worse, as my parents have told me many times, I knew to turn on the switch before sliding my finger. My parents say they used to pull me, or block the sockets with tapes to prevent me getting electric shocks, but still I remember a few times I was left with burnt fingers. One incident which I very clearly remember is when I put two ends of a copper wire into a socket and turned the switch on. There were sparkles and cracking sounds which left me with black hands and shit scared. I think I escaped getting electrocuted that day because my little experiment took the fuse of the whole house with it. That was the LAST time I played with electric wires and sockets. Lesson well learnt.

So why am I telling you this story? Let me try to answer this with another question. Do you think my parents never told me that playing with electricity was dangerous? They did, but I never listened. Well, until that day when I had black fingers to show and a lot of sparkling to wreak havoc with the house fuse. But I never repeated the act after that. Because I had scars to show for my mistake and I have learned my lesson well.

I just want to show off my scar proudly and not be afraid of it. - Carly Simon

I just want to show off my scar proudly and not be afraid of it. - Carly Simon

So here is the point – The lessons we learn best are the ones those leave us with scars to show. Without the scar, there is no incident ingrained in our memory (like I remember this incident even after 25 years). Without the scar, it is like the event never happened. You can learn about things by reading books, watching videos or doing any alternate learning, but nothing can match learning by directly being in action. Because when you read a book, there are no consequences of a ‘mistake‘ you just read about, so in a way nothing was learnt at all. You can remember a book and its lessons for a few days, but you will never forget a lesson which has a personal imprint in your memory because it had consequences (a scar, a burnt hand, or whatever).

The habit to be safe looks good and noble on the outside, but it very dangerous. Let me explain why? Any lesson learnt from somebody else’s mistake makes you miss the most important part of learning, which is seeking answers to your questions. We all have numerous questions as a kid, but in an attempt to act safe, we rarely ask the questions when we grow up and miss the chance to become stronger and better prepared for the future. (that doesn’t mean you jump into fire to see if it is hot or not)

Lessons learned from a painful experience can hurt, but they are necessary. You can’t learn from a lecture how it feels to race your bike and then fall down on the road. Only when you feel the pain in your bones and see your blood when your skin scratches against the road, you will learn the lesson properly as there is pain, fear and you can feel your heart beats right to your core. No book can replace that feeling.

Why you should keep putting your fingers in the socket too?

There is a process of life – of trying something new, finding hurdles, getting hurt, trying again and then succeeding and moving on to bigger hurdles. Through this cycle only people change the world, start new companies, and do the unthinkable. Don’t break this cycle by reading about how to avoid getting hurt. Find your hurdles and then learn your lessons in overcoming it. That curiosity and desire within all of us is the seed of something big. When we act safe, we kill that seed and never give it a chance to blossom into a beautiful flower.

Let that seed grow. Stop being safe and expand the size of the tasks you take on. And it is not something we have to learn new, because as kids we all do that. We jump a distance, then try bigger and bigger distances. Obviously there will be some pain to feel and some scars to show. Do you have any scars to show which resulted in some achievement in your childhood? Do you have some stories revolving around your scars which you tell people with pride?

You are grown up now and are more mature. But that doesn’t and shouldn’t stop you from going out and playing bigger games. Get some new scars to be proud of, some new memories to share, and some new lessons for the future. You need to feel the pain as long you are alive. Without the pain, there is no joy. And without pain and joy, there is no life.

People are the best investment

Throughout my life, I have seen my parents struggle for money due to some business decisions gone wrong or for health reasons. Due to this, we never had money to spend on anything which was ‘not necessary‘. Most of what my parents earned were spent in our (the two brothers) education and other long term investments, and rarely on movies, entertainment or traveling. Maybe due to this lack of financial resources, all of us made up for that by focussing on little things like spending quality time together, always helping anyone who is in need and getting connected with people on a personal level. I have seen and observed my father chatting and getting along very well with one and all. I very vividly remember my father taking me to his office sometimes and everybody, from the security guard to the peon to the street vendors outside to the receptionist inside, greeting him warmly. It felt like my father was friends with everyone in the building. This article is about people, and how they are the best investment opportunity for us.

Acknowledging and Greeting

Normally, as we go through our life we tend to focus only on what is important and ignore everything else. Think about how many people we passed through today from the time we left our home till we reached office. And to how many of these people did we stopped and said “Good Morning”. It is such a simple thing to do, and a good morning wish leaves both parties smiling, still we ignore it most of the times. Very often we forget that how good it feels when somebody appreciates us and believes in our abilities. So isn’t it natural that we should thrive to do the same to others?

It Always Come Back

We invest our time and money in our jobs, stocks, mutual funds and real estate. We buy cars, phones and other gadgets and take pride in owning them. But I have always believed that the best investment we can make in are people. You might or might not get your returns from the stock market or the real estate market, but investing in people always come back. If somebody needs our time and attention, nothing can be a bigger investment for us to help that person with honesty and compassion. There is no better sight in this world than seeing somebody smile and knowing that we are the reason behind it, that we could be of some help. And even if we talk in terms of returns, investment on people always tend to come back in life, and in proportions we can’t imagine. I am a witness to how many different unknown people have come forward to help my parents in times of need, without even their asking for it.

 

Myself and friends at Noida in 2008

Myself and friends at Noida in 2008

It is a Challenge, but a Very Rewarding One

Now it is easy to say that we must invest in people, but it can get really challenging and daunting in real life. Many times we will come across people who are very easy to ignore, or who trigger our temper and we might want to shout and yell at them. But on the other hand, empowering someone and taking time to listen to them can sometimes surprise even them. Many a time people will realize this and thank you for the extra effort you are putting, and that is always a very rewarding experience.

Have Fun, make Them Laugh

If we try to remember the times when we have been angry, upset, frustrated or just unhappy, we will realize that we have been taking things too seriously. All the life’s so called problems occur mostly when we are lost in a moment and lose the bigger perspective. If we look at things in perspective, an annoying boss in office might not be as important in the picture of your ‘whole life‘ as important as we might have made him/her. So it’s always good to loosen up, and treat people as human beings first, rather than good or bad resources. Have some fun, crack some jokes and laugh. For many, this period of fun might be the best part of their day, and you can be glad you were a part of it.

Be Genuine, Truthful and Trustworthy

All what I have written above is not some trick and people are smart enough to find out whether you genuinely mean your affection or if you are bluffing. So what I am advocating is to really become the person who cares about others, whom others can trust and who doesn’t break promises. It takes effort to ingrain these features in our character, but if we can do that, we will reap the rewards. As I said before, compared to our bank balance, stock portfolio or real estate, if our investment in people start giving results, it can dwarf all other investments we might have.

The Ego. Is it good or bad? And how much should you have?

Recently I was talking to a friend of mine and during our conversation, he said something strange which made me realize something. He told me “Have some ego. Earlier you used to have a lot of ego, but now you don’t seem to have any. Get some of it back.” I laughed at this remark but it made me think later on. Is ego only bad, or does it do any good too? Should we not have it, even a little bit of it?

Ego is normally treated as something negative, something which is not good, something which we should not have. People will always be ready to explain how ego can hurt you. Ego is generally considered the opposite of humility. As humility is good, ego must be bad. In this article I will try to put some focus on why a little ego might be a good thing…

So what is this thing called the Ego? Ego literally means a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-worth. Now that doesn’t feel like something bad. Self esteem means taking pride in yourself. By this logic, a healthy ego should be a must for everybody, but then why does everybody seems to be having so much contempt for ego. I have personally believed in living life in a way which most people not. I like doing things differently, even if it means going against the norms. I feel alive by defying logic. You can say I have an ego. And yes, by that logic, I have. And I am glad for it!!

A quote from The Fountainhead

A quote from The Fountainhead

Doing anything new, like starting a business, or going against the norm, is directly proportional to how confident you are of yourselves and your abilities. Any of these activities is a proof of a presence of ego. But is there anything wrong in this? For me, it makes me work harder and smarter to compete and prove the naysayers wrong, and it feels damn good when that happens 🙂

While one can say that ego as mentioned above lead to good things, it is also to be remembered that ego is the main reason of over-confidence and arrogance. As long as you are in control of your ego, it will work for you. But as soon as your ego starts controlling you, it will hurt you. When ego controls you, it can make the truth look false and the false look true. In television debates, you can see ego controlling people as the focus shifts on their individualities rather than the topic of debate.

When you are overwhelmed by your ego, you will say words you will regret, take actions you will repent later on, and hurt the people you love most. Your inflated ego can also make people loose trust and respect for you. It might get so bad that people roll their eyes when you enter a room. And if we think, we can all recall such people in our lives. A big ego only does one thing. It makes a big FOOL out of you. And most of us won’t even be aware of it when that happens. :-/

So where is this leading? The ego is both good and bad, in different ways. As human beings, I think we all have egos. It is very much a part of our existence. But what matters is how we handle it? You can say it is a tool, which we can use to your advantage, but if it goes out of control, it will come back and hurt us. I have always believed that too much of anything is bad, and ego also falls in that generalization.

So what should we do, as human beings? How do we know how much is enough, or where to draw the line? I think that we should always stand true to our convictions, but also be willing to listen to others and consider that we might be wrong. If you find reason in someone else’s argument, it is only wise to change your viewpoint rather than taking pride in shoving your point down someone else’s throat. Ego is good when you state your point strongly, but bad when you are not even open to views and opinions from the opposite side. There is a wonderful quote by Deepak Chopra to sum it up –

“If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It’s very important to be aware of them every time they come up.”

Changing sides again, if we look back in history, every great achievement by mankind has been achieved by people who the world have termed as egoists. How do you think the world would have responded to the man who said the earth was not flat (at one time ships used to go till a certain distance in the oceans before turning back so that they don’t fall off)? How do you think the world responded to the man who said the earth revolved around the sun rather than the other way round? There have been many such men in history who were the first to travel on the path that they did. They were the artists, scientists or the inventors. The only thing they had in common was a strong conviction in their beliefs even when the whole world ridiculed them. Where do you think this courage or strength came from? It came from their strong sense of self, and their thinking, feelings and actions can all be attributed to their ego.

When a child his born, the only weapon he has is his brain. Through the use of this brain, man has created everything we see around now. Nothing was ever gifted to us. Someone created the airplane, the car, electricity, internet, etc and these men created the future in which we are living now. In other words, the whole gist of this article is that man should be wise enough to listen to advice from others, but at the same time have a strong conviction about where he is going. It is accepted that it is good to agree with others, but all the great creators disagreed. Every man has a right to his ego, but should never let himself become an object of that same ego. I know there is a thin line between the two cases, and trying to define it might lead to a never ending debate, so I rest my case here.

Have a little EGO, but not too much 🙂